priorities.

Dear Friend,

It has been a long time since I have been writing (specifically in this blog because I did some 'traditional' writing on some of my notebooks hehe), but here I am, trying to make something that actually makes sense for some of you. 

I guess in this blog I want to write about 'priorities'. 

I believe everyone has the right to choose their priorities. Growing up I feel like it's unfair if someone that I care about the most doesn't even care about me enough or makes me one of their priorities. However, things change and so do people. Ever since the pandemic, I realize that it's alright to not always be your favorite one's priorities. I realized that the purest form of love is when you love them with all your heart without any expectation in return. You love them because they are who they are and despite the fact that they don't care as much as you do, it's completely okay and you have to respect their decision. Respect the decision that you are not one of their priorities. I believe when you got to that state of mindset and purity, you have reached the greatest level of maturity and wisdom.

On the contrary, I don't think that I am ready to be in that sort of mindset and that path yet, because I really hope that the person that I care and love the most would care and love me too. It sounds selfish to say that I want to have what I give because isn't that what people theorize as 'cause and effect'? The things that you do today would be given to you later on in life. If you do goods now, you will be given good deeds later on. 

Anyway, I feel kind of sad because the person that I truly care about doesn’t seem to give the same thing in return. Although I accept the fact that they can choose whether to have me as one of their priorities or not, it just seems to be unfair that I cannot have the same love in return.

I am still trying to let it go. Still trying to accept the fact that maybe we were just two strangers that somehow met through every wrong and right decision that we have made in our past. Maybe, we are just two strangers that met so that we can just ‘know’ each other for some time and then we can get back into strangers again.

Unfortunately, I feel like it's something useless to have because why should we have all those memories just to be something in the past and not a form of continuation?

Why should we have all those small and deep talks just to get back into those awkward ‘hey’?

Why should we shared all of those future dreams just to be doing it without each other's company?

I know we are currently living in a very superficial world right now, but why can’t I have something that is pure and genuine for once?

Why can’t I have someone who can be supportive through all of the changes?

They said:

'Sometimes you have to move on and let other people regret not giving you a chance. Sometimes the best revenge is not dwelling on the person that didn't want you. Sometimes the best revenge is actually waiting on the one that you need in your life. And if someone wants to run away from your love, let them. We're getting too old to be running down behind people who don't want us.'

Source: Pinterest lol :)

So here I am, trying to let go of things and people. I am still trying to accept that sometimes our love could be one-sided and that's okay. Hopefully, as I grow and develop into someone that isn't me at the moment, I could be more mature and wiser in dealing with lots of things in the future. Hopefully, as I grow, I could find someone who I could deeply connect with, whether it's a friend or colleague or maybe strangers that I meet down the street, I just wish that that one day would happen when the rights time comes. I don't have all the answers today, and that is okay. I just have to keep questioning and trying to have the answers bit by bit.

Well, I guess that is probably it for this blog. Hopefully whoever is reading this will have wonderful days and nights ahead hehehe. 

Love, Evie