changes.

Dear Friend,

I know. It's crazy. 2 posts in a week? let along it's literally the same day :) HAHAHA I guess it is probably because I am home alone right now and I have been procrastinating for the past 2 months. I haven't written anything ever since I have been a little bit busy with other things. If you have read my previous post, maybe I should say that it should be in terms of when I have other priorities in mind for the past months. lol

So what is this post about exactly you ask?

As the title states. It's about changes.

To be honest with you, I have been thinking and re-thinking a lot for the past year. I guess it's kind of true when people go crazy with 'the pandemic changes people' because I agree with that statement 100% :)) I don't know about you but ever since the pandemic, I think I have changed a lot and I think it’s pretty good for me. So here is the list of things that help me change during the pandemic: 

1. Finding peace in the pandemic

Ever since the pandemic, people have been told to stay at home and how many of the people that I know seem to say that it has been extremely difficult to comprehend. Despite all of the bad and worse moments in 2020, I guess I was really having lots of hope into the year. Although I was really sad every time I watched or read the news and saw all of the chaotic events happening all over the world, I really want to have hopes and pray that it could all get better. However, I did realize that I have been struggling to find peace within myself for years and the pandemic helps me in coping with those struggles. I started doing lots of meditation, readings, and especially writing so that I could find a source of expression to reach that peaceful self of being. Spending time alone in my room while I was doing my thing, really help me a lot in finding peace within me especially in trying to have peace with other people.

2. Family time  

I also got to spend more time with my family before I got into college. My big sister came back to town for a couple of months and we hang out a lot (in the house of course lol). I guess during the pandemic there are lots of trends and moments where we kind of do lots of cooking or exercising or trying to fix our sleep schedule even though it turns out to be much more difficult than we think it would HAHAHA lol. But then my sister went back to Jakarta where she found a job and she started working there which I think is pretty cool because she already could make a living for herself. 

3. More reading sessions

I also got into more reading sessions during the pandemic that really shifted my mindset. I have read lots of books and did lots of things that really changed my perspective about life and my way of being. To be honest with you, I haven’t read lots of books during high school, and when the pandemic started, I become more interested in reading self-help books and philosophies which really help me rethinks my point of view into the world and I feel like it’s really great for me. I think. Well… kind of… HAHAHA If you want to know what kind of books that I specifically read, maybe I should tell you later on the next blog hehe lol.

4. International Relations 

I know. It sounds so nerdy and quirky to say that my major changes me HAHAHA but what can I say? It really did change me. Like A LOT. I was told that I have to make reading a habit because that what I would be dealing with when I entered college, and it turns out to be true HAHAHA. Remember that I told you that I have been reading a lot during the pandemic? I guess most of the reasons come from the fact that I have to read lots of papers and articles when I got into my major. I was pretty insecure when my sister told me that I should be prepared to face lots of essays and reading because I haven’t had any reading sessions for the past years. lol. That’s probably the reason why I got into lots of books during the pandemic because I was doing it as a form of practice to prepare myself for the ‘real world’ they said HAHAHA.

Alright, back to the topic. Like I said, majoring in International Relations really helped me in changing myself. When one of my favorite teachers in high school said that the ‘real world' isn’t as pretty as we think it is, I kind of believed him but I didn’t realize what I was up against when I got to learn what I am learning right now. Honestly, I was pretty sad when I learned about the truth. Lots of them. I guess I can’t really describe what I feel when I found out about the cases or the histories that I have learned during my studies, but I felt really sad. Growing up I always think that the world is full of sunshine and rainbows and I could really grab the hope for that. However, although the world has sunshine and rainbows, there is also a lot of thunderstorms and rainy days. Like lots of them. And at first, I don’t really know how to comprehend all of the new information that I have got at the time, but in a way, I did realize that that is just the information – the sad information and facts – that I need to live with and have hope – but not too high – for the world to reach what I could say prosperity. But what do I know? I don’t even really know what is the ultimate definition of prosperity and I am still trying to cope with the fact that I don’t really have all the answers right now. 

I don’t know if that makes sense but in a way, my major really did change me a lot, and honestly, through the sweetness and bitterness of the experience, I am really grateful that I got to learn about the facts. Even though the facts aren’t always full of star-dush and glitter, but that’s when you say that it's ‘better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie’ HAHAHA lol. Adding the fact that my friends in college are super-fun and open-minded people and I can’t believe how happy I am to have met them in my life. Although we haven’t met in real life, through all of those small and deep conversations about life, I am very grateful to have met them because they have contributed a lot to my changes with their wisdom and random craziness HAHAHA love you (ok) (it’s an inside joke, sorry if you don’t get it hehe). I guess you can never know what kind of path God had prepared for you because I have no idea that the road that was supposed to be a second option would lead to a happier and comfier path that I would take for my self-growth.

5. Philosophy 

Remember when I told you that I am really into philosophy books earlier? Well, I guess when I read those self-help books it leads me into picturing the full ideas of my questions that I have been questioning my entire life. I can’t really describe how many questions that I had and have through my life, but what I can say is that philosophy helps me a lot in my soul growth. I know it sounds crazy but philosophy helps me a lot in answering lots of questions that I can’t really answer back then. Adding the fact that my major also has Social Science class in the first semester makes me feel like I have a sort of brand-new purpose in life and by pursuing lots of questions to answer. Although on the contrary, it makes me developed lots of deep thoughts in mind lol HAHAHA but I guess in a way it’s worth it and I think I have found myself better when I get into philosophy a lot deeper with all the philosophy books that I bought online through the pandemic hehe.

6. MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator)

What is a ‘Myers-Briggs Types Indicator’ you ask? Well as I am currently googling it right now, it states that the ‘Myers-Briggs Types Indicator’ is an introspective self-report questionnaire indicating differing psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. HAHAHA

You may be skeptical about all of this, but when I found out about MBTI it completely opened a new phase of my life where I feel less alone in this world. I am not going to literally explain to you about all of this ‘MBTI’ stuff in this blog because I think I am pretty invested in MBTI at the moment and it will be difficult for me to just write it in a short paragraph HAHAHA I guess I found out about MBTI when I started my college year because the university told us to get ourselves tested in the 16 personalities' website and after a while, I kind of got invested in it and start watching some Youtube videos and reading some researches about it which I think it's pretty cool. 

Anyway, I just want to say that knowing what type I am really answered most of my questions throughout my life and I have never felt more understood than in my entire existence. All of the confusion that I got finally got the answer that it needs which really help me a lot in figuring myself as well. If you are also interested in the MBTI thing, maybe you should give it a shot and try it yourself. Hopefully, it could give you a sense of meaning or answer like the way it did to me. Hehe

Owh right, hello my fellow advocates. Yes. I am an INFJ. INFJ-(T) to be precise hehe

(Alright, I think this post turns out to be longer than I expected it to be. It's literally almost 2000 words HAHAHA. I am supposed to be doing my papers right now, but instead, I am writing you this blog :) #procastinator I guess I could continue the stories on the next blog hehe (about changes of course))

All in all, I guess we should always try to look at things in a more hopeful despite all the things that are happening in the world right now. I pray to God every day that things will get better and I really believe that there will be answers to all of the questions that we have today. Hopefully, when the right time comes, the answers will be given to us in the most unexpected moments of our life. Stay hopeful. Keep fighting. Take it bit by bit.

With Love, Evie