Dear Friend,
I know it has been too long since I have written anything on this blog but I did some literal writings on my journal that I bought a couple months back tho. To be honest, I don't know where to start. I guess there have been a lot of changes in my life that had impacted me deeply to the extent that I can never tell you the whole story in this one blog. Therefore, I decided to challenge myself into writing more in the last month of 2021 so we could catch up on some of the juicy topics if you know what I mean ;)
I have turned nineteen this year. I know. I am getting old ugh. ew. Remember when you were just a kid and you can't wait to grow up and be an adult? Back then the thought of you working and not going to school was the best thing that could ever happen when you were literally sweating your hands doing a bunch of uninterested tasks. Honestly, now as I look back to my childhood and teenage memories, I just wish that I would cherish those moments more because being an adult isn't as fun as you thought it will be. There are a lot of responsibilities and obligations that you have which was kind of overwhelming for me at first (even today haha).
Anyway, I am not going to talk about how adulthood sucks because there is always the positive side you can take from everything right? Besides the fact that I'll be leaving my teenage daydream forever as I am going to turn twenty next year, I have also learned a lot during my entire lifetime (literally 19 years old. wow. such a long period. lol). There are several life lessons that I learned from my life as a teenager and maybe it could be helpful for you to know yuhuu. Honestly, being hectic and packed up for these past few months have also been a huge contribution for me to reflect and gather my own philosophical thoughts. So here are some of the wisdom that I have learned:
1. Express yourself
Sometimes holding your thoughts, ideas, and emotions aren't the brightest thing ever. If you love something or someone, say it and enjoy every single moment of those things that make you feel more alive. When you have something or someone that bothers you, try to talk about it or merely just express it in your own way. Whether it is through writing, drawing, singing, crying, or even talking about it with someone you trust, if it will make you feel any better, do it and express it to the fullest. If you don't have anyone you could talk to, try to have self-talk with yourself. Nobody would know but you and if it is helpful for you, give it a shot.
Although I am still learning to do this for myself, I have learned that words or feelings that aren't expressed enough won't make you feel any better, and other people aren't psychics who can easily know what is going on in your head. I am not saying that you should say and do whatever you want to do without prospecting other circumstances. Obviously, you need to reevaluate your emotions and thoughts before you express anything so you wouldn't hurt other people, but instead of hiding it and bottling it all inside you, try to be more expressive. Trust me, it is easier to express and let it out than suppressing it within yourself.
2. It's okay not to know yet
I used to think that I have to know all of the answers to all of my questions, and I have a lot of them HAHAHA :)) This year has taught me that I should embrace the unknown more and it's totally fine not to have all of your plans and expectation work out the way you expect them to be because it might be God's plan to take you into the journey that's really meant for you. (expectations might kill you slowly bro.. HAHAHA)
3. One day at a time
As someone who likes to learn and explore lots of things, you can never learn all of them all at once in 24 hours. Everything needs time and time let you cherish the process more. Take it bit by bit, step by step, one day at a time.
4. Trust the Process
Back to my second and third point, yes, have a little more faith in God's path for you. Take it slow and steady because anything that is being forced won't have a great outcome.
5. Work hard but not too hard
As many once said, the term 'too' isn't something that can be good for you. You can be a hardworking person but don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some credit.
6. Take a break
I think these days people have been consumed with toxic productivity. I, myself, have learned that the hard way. Like I said in my fifth point, don't overwork yourself. As a workaholic who can never really take the day off, I sometimes feel guilty when I was just chilling and resting in my room. Feeling unproductive, I would then feel that I need to do some of my obligations during my rest day. I realize that this isn't the right way to be productive because it just put me in a burnout condition. :) (Jangan lakukan kesalahan yang sama dengan saya ya guis huehue)
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| The picture that I took from one of my bookstores dates^ #metimeyuhu |
Take those breaks, have some me time and watch your favorite movies or series, read those unfinished books, and listen to the music that makes you feel more alive while singing on top of your lungs (I mean, I do that most of the time HAHAHA shhh). Whether it is going to the mall, cycling through the city seeking sunsets, or just resting in your bed and sleeping lol, do it and forget those obligations and responsibilities for a while. You will feel better and it will be more enjoyable than working 24/7. Remember, you are a human, not a robot.
7. Know when to stop
Like I said in my sixth point, I was in several burnout points during this year. I have read, watched, and listen to some information about burnout the other day and that made me realize why I was burning out. Some of them were saying that because you are expected to be perfect in doing your task most of the time, it will give you some kind of pressure, and too much pressure would not be good for you (like I said, too is not a good term lol). Hence, if you feel overwhelmed with your obligations, try stopping it from getting too much (again with the too).
I joined a workshop the other day, it was supposed to be a CV-related type of thing but I got a chance to ask questions regarding, well you guessed it, burnout HAHAHA. I was asking a question like,
"How can we handle our burnout when we still have many obligations in our hands? Because when we can't take those breaks, how can we heal ourselves?"
Coincidentally she is a master in Psychology and the crazy thing is, it felt like she can literally read my mind and know the situation that I was having. I was in deep exhaustion from all of the works that I have put up and she read me like a book brooo wow. She told me that I should minimalize my 'ketidakenakkan' or you would call it 'people pleaser' and start saying no to things that I know aren't good for me.
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| Source: Pouring Water Into A Glass Photograph by Wladimir Bulgar/science Photo Library (fineartamerica.com) |
Although maybe people have the trust in you because they believe that you have the potential to do those obligations best, you should know your limit and stop your flow from overflowing. She was implementing the term flow as the flow in water, I kind of forgot what parable that she used but the point is, everyone has their own cup and if you fill it with too much water (obligations and responsibilities) in your own cup, it will be suffocating to the point where you would drown yourself. wow. I am good at making illustrated parables huh? HAHAHA So, just like this point states, know when to stop. Know when you need the breaks and you have to stop yourself from adding the water into your cup. It doesn't matter how fun or passionate it might feel or seem, if you know that you are too overwhelmed with your tasks now, adding more obligations would just be a burden for you. The things that you feel very passionate about before won't feel that exciting anymore. Why? Because you can't enjoy the things that you used to enjoy once you are overworked and burn yourself out.
Anyway, the session was going a bit out of track because she was literally giving me a pep talk for about 30 minutes when the CV workshop was supposed to be 1.5 hours HAHAHA She was very helpful tho. She really inspires me into finding my own balance of life and to find passions between work and personal life. What's really cool about her is that she kind of has the same interests as me lol. She is living in Bali right now and she took the chance to climb mountains in Java once she had resigned from her job. (WHICH IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY BUCKET LISTS YUHUUU) HAHAHA sorry for the intensified emotions :) but I really am excited about that. You see, when I know that I will be going to Jakarta for my college life, the bucket list for 2020 was to climb a mountain (any mountain) in Java, and because I was fit back then:v I was planning to go on a marathon hehe. Again, it didn't turn out to be what I expected it to be.. (back to my second point lol)
Sorry, I got sidetracked LMAO HAHAHA. The point is, she had taught me to be more careful in taking certain obligations and she even told me about her solutions when she was handling the same situation as me back then. She told me that if there's any possibility that you can resign from certain obligations (professionally ofc) and you think it will make you feel better and happier, then take that chance. She also had inspired me into having more time for myself to heal and find my drive again. From her session, I realized that I don't really have to be productive all the time because it might be bad for me (mentally and physically if I forced myself to do too much). Instead, I should do the things that I truly am passionate about, That's led to my next point.
8. Do it for love, not for names
When I was in high school, I thought I'll be happier if I went to some famous-prestigious campus where I could graduate with a high GPA and got many friends. I was trying to climb this huge ladder of 'dignity' and perceiving myself as a failure if I don't achieve any of that. I tried my best but unfortunately, I failed in entering into my dream (well used to be) university. It was such a bummer for me, I didn't cry tho (strangely lol). Therefore, like I said before, I guess God has a different plan for you, huh? Hence, I got into a local private school in Indonesia, majoring in International Relations. It was pretty great, until to the point where I thought I really need to participate in a lot of students organization' activities.
The target was to have a lot of names and experiences in my CV so that I could easily get into this 'amazing' job later on. I work myself to the fullest for the past year (to the point where I burn myself out) and I tried everything. I mean literally everything. I joined two student organizations and one internship at my university. I got to experience various fields in the positions that I got and tried new things that I have never in my entire life would ever think I would do.
I was the Education Counselor for my university, which is kind of great(?) I mean I got to know several people in the field because of my obligations and responsibilities to help high school students in getting to know their interest' majors. Since I am majoring in International Relations, I got to explain to several students about what they will be learning later on if they take International Relations. It sort of gave me some kind of happiness because I got to help them in preparing what they have to prepare before they start their academic year. Then, I realized that maybe being a counselor is one of my passion? Yeah, I am still trying to figure things out right now.
I was also the MC for several events, where I got to get out of my comfort zone and show this extroverted side of me which means I had to joke around and try to make the situation less awkward as possible. It went pretty great. I guess? lol. I received a lot of criticisms and lessons from tons of rehearsals. It was pretty draining for me though HAHAHA:v But, turns out, I was having a lot of fun, and getting the MC position isn't as scary as I thought it will be. Now if look back at it, I have learned and improved a lot. I got to practice my public speaking skills which made me realize that I do have a lot of passion for speaking in front of people lol. (Surprising isn't it? Coming from a girl who used to be very quiet and can't even talk to anyone in her class LMAO).
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| My first time being an MC^ #BoMGathering |
I am glad I also got to be the Vice Project Manager in an event in one of my organizations, which helped me in improving my critical thinking and project management skills. Of course, there are a lot of ups and downs from the process, but I got to learn a lot from different people with their diverse characters and insights. It was the very first time that I got to have a certain position in my life where I have to lead several people to reach our goals. At first, it was pretty scary, I mean I have never in my entire life worked on a project like that before. Leading the Marketing Department was crazy lol but I got to practice my time management, people management, and learn to control my emotion a lot better. Therefore, although it was pretty exhausting, it was pretty damn worth it because I got to learn a lot from those intense 5 months.
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| NMR 2021^ #GWS |
Alright, I am not going to explain more details in what I have done this year but long story short I also got to be the coordinator in some events which is pretty great. I got to learn a lot and got some new friends and colleagues along the way.
The point that I am trying to say is that whatever you want to do in your life, do it out of passion and love. Trust me, I have learned that doing things out of ego and labels isn't great for you. Out of all the positions and obligations that I got, there is one position that isn't suitable for me. I couldn't resign and it's pretty draining when you are working in an environment where it is not aligned with your idealist principles. Going back to my seventh point, don't fill your cup too much because it will just make you unhappy and your life wouldn't be as enjoyable or fun anymore. (I think I am going to update this a little bit more when the problems are solved. Wish me luck in handling one of life's obstacles.)
I am pretty happy that I got to make those mistakes though. In the end, I have learned a lot and I personally think that I have improved and grown into a better person from all of those conflicts and challenges that I went through. Anyway, I have learned that money, fame, or labels aren't everything in life. From now on, I want to seek what I am truly passionate about and desire in life that can really make me happy. I want to have an occupation where all of my obligations and responsibilities don't feel like I am working but having fun. I never really understood how learning could have this fun side in life, but I guess that's just the things that I have learned as I grow, huh? One of my favorite YouTubers once said, 'Do what you love and the money will come. Don't work for money, let the money work for you.' I didn't really understand those phrases before but now I realized that that is the dream life that I want to have in life. So maybe yours can be too.
WOAH. I didn't think I will be writing this long though HAHAHA. Maybe I should continue this on the next post because it's pretty boring huh?
Alright, see you on my next post if you want to read some more of this philosophical wisdom ish. Thank you for reading until the end though, hopefully, you are not sleepy right now :)
With Love,
Evie Sintania
15/12/2021 [13.27]
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